That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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