how can u be prego again
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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