Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
