i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
