I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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