fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
