she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
