So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
