He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
