did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
