I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
