Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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