I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
