Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize
