Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
