Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
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i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
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Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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