I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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