you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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