Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
