all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
