ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
