You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
