his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
