I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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