Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
