wrigley field is MILF paradise
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
