New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
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I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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