i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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