When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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