I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
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He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
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Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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