Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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