i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Even my vagina gasped.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
