Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
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