my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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