I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
