trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
apparently the secret to your success is patron
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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