All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
