my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
