I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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