her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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