So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Randomize
