you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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