All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
