i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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