Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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