dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
