just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
