drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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