He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
