Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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