The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
