AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
