you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
