Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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