I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
