He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
