meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
