I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
