I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
