you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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