They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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