Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
