Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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