I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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