I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
