I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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