so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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