last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
