I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
