Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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