I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
