Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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