the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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