He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
