I puked a lego.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
